Dan praising Jesus for the waitress who perfectly captured on camera the ‘fifth wheel’ moment
whenever i get low on money i start thinking really irrationally like what if i hadn’t spent that $10 back in 2004
And it makes me think about that quote Jennifer used as start of our first class; ‘Cause when I feel it, it’s like.. I’m looking into the heart of an immense darkness.’
”So what do you do instead?”
I l o o k f o r m y f r i e n d s .
is your heart supposed to pound for ten minutes straight after you answer one question in class
People don’t appreciate enough that Hogwarts had a giant squid in the lake. Not another magical beast. Not even a normal squid with magical properties. They just had a straight up giant squid in the lake and everyone was cool about it.
How did it even get there
I am going to die surrounded by the biggest idiots in the galaxy.
its so sad that every boy who dresses remotely nice is labeled as gay like thts not even offensive to gay people it just means straight boys dress like shit
i guess you learn something new every day
one difference between cats and dogs is that dogs do absolutely nothing to mask their clinginess while cats pretend it’s a coincidence they’re in the same room as you 97% of the time
"The fact I am laying on your face means nothing"
So, I was in the car today and saw someone with the license plate “X0DUS3 5”, so I thought it was like Exodus 3:5 and I looked it up, and do you know what it said?
"Do not come any closer."
Now that’s a well done biblical license plate.
today this guy told me that my dress made my ass look fat (he sad it as a 'compliment') and obviously since it was 8:30 I was too tired for that shit and I replied with 'saying my ass is fat wont make your dick any bigger' and when he tried to defend himself saying his dick was big enough I told him that it doesn’t count if he shoved two thirds of it in his personality and he just looked at me completely defenseless AND BASICALLY I STOLE THAT LINE FROM HERE BUT I SLAYED
It was all too much—where was he? What was this place? Was it some kind of prison? If so, why had he been sent here, and for how long?